No. It's not like "face to face" - sheesh! (Facebook series - part 1)

And now - I shall vent.
But does "venting" mean I'm "angry"? -- I don't feel angry. (To vent) 
So maybe I'm just "sharing"(To share)
Though I do admit that I feel a groan coming on, followed closely by an eye roll, so, take it as you wish.
Let's talk about Facebook.

"OH crap!!" "Argh!" "It's SO shallow." "HUGE waste of time!" "SO fake!" "They're not "real" friends." "SUPER LAME  replacement for face to face contact!"
I've been hearing this sort of thing since I joined the Facebook - way back in 2008. (I like calling it "the Facebook" - it amuses me, don't know why. )
So I've been hearing this - and finding it to be ... what ... annoying? Tedious? Whiny even? All of the above - and I also find it to be untrue.
Let's start with "lame replacement for face to face contact".
Comparing the Facebook with the Face to Face is like comparing airplanes with cars.  As in: Flying sucks! I can't see any of the "roadside attractions" between NY (where I live now) and NC (where I'm from). Well - yes - that's true.
If one wants to see roadside attractions then one ought to drive there. Preferably opting for local roads. You'll see way more stuff. Horses, cows, truck stops, maybe a Reptile House/Chicken Shack - any number of potentially cool or funky things. Or - maybe you want to "just get there"- in under two hours - so - you'll fly. Or - maybe you've got to take a U-Haul with a bunch of stuff down - so you're driving, but you don't want to dawdle, so you'll take the highway, which also limits sitings of roadside attractions.
Is any one method really better than the other? Or is the best way to get from NY to NC the way that best meets your needs at that time?
Now - would I rather take a walk, grab a glass, share a meal, and so on, with my closest friends, or even my favorite "casual" friends or acquaintances? Sure. Of course I would. Would I rather run into them on the street and have a great conversation spontaneously? Sure! (if I have time) I love it when that happens.
But because I love that - is all other contact, including that on the Facebook rendered "lame" "fake" - and "shallow" ?
Why? Why would that be true? Are cars lame because they're not as fast as airplanes? Are airplanes lame because they go so fast (high too!) you'll never see the roadside Reptile House/Chicken Shack? (or cows and horses) Isn't it all - how you say - relative?
I have had wonderful interactions with people - often unexpectedly - on the Facebook. I've gotten to know some people better, including people I didn't know well or hardly at all before. Do I know them "completely" now? No. Are we going to spend major holidays together now? No. Are they my "best and truest friends"? No.
But I know, now, that they love to cook. I know what their child looks like, or at least that they've got one. I know they're into a certain kind of jazz or that they play the harpsichord or that they're descended from a famous Civil War General or that they lived 2 years in the Phillapines. Do I need to know these things? No. But I enjoy it. It enriches my understanding of these people - new friends, old friends, and everything in between. And reminds me that the world is a rich place and that people are multi-layered and not as easy to "box and label" as we might think.
And then there's this. My husband and I have had several friends who've had serious illnesses - or recently lost parents, pets, or others in the "loved ones" category. Facebook has allowed us to stay "in the loop" as to what's happening with them. They can know we're thinking of them - we can send messages of encouragement, publicly or privately-  or even helpful information if it seems appropriate, about organizations, stress relievers, our own personal experience with said illness. We've had friends who've gotten married, had babies, moved or started school - friends that run in different circles now, but that we want to stay in touch with, but with whom it would be overwhelming to send individual emails or letters to all the time. We wouldn't do it. They wouldn't do it. It would be crazy to try. But we can still be part of the experience they've just had, in at least an adjacent way, thanks to the virtual village that is the Facebook. There is comfort in that. And that comfort is not "undone" by the various annoyances (LOL? Hate that - and all related Facebook acronyms)  any more than the occasional travel issue would make us refuse to ever leave the house again. Man up people! Nothing. Is. Without. The occasional hitch! And just like cake - it won't make you fat unless you eat too much of it. Oui?

Hi Women. I'm Paul.

Hi Women. I'm Paul. Do you come here often? My wing-man, Mitt, is in the restroom. May I sit down? Mitt'll be back in a minute, so we'll leave a seat for him, if that's OK. And can I just say, and I think Mitt will agree with me on this, that you look really, really pretty right now. You look thin and young and really really pretty. Not too thin of course, because women are beautiful in all sizes and whatever size you are is totally perfect. And there's no reason for you to look younger either, because women are beautiful at every age. If you were thinner or younger you'd probably look really pretty too, but you look pretty just like that, in that outfit, with your hair just like that, right now.
So, now that I've got your attention, as if looking into my iridescent gray but mostly blue eyes wasn't enough ... you want to touch my hair? Well - OK, just for a second. I know! I really lucked out in the hair department.
Anyway ... look! You made me blush! Anyway! Gosh! Now that I've got your attention, there's a few things I need to tell you.
Since I'm already blushing, let's start with sex, ha ha. But seriously. (don't take your eyes off of my eyes, and this will all sound a lot better)
What you need to do, stay with me here, is let me and other people like me, but mainly me, pretty much take over all decisions about your body. You've got enough to worry about just working on your abs right? (and may I recommend P90X? I'm living proof that it works!) But your abs are great anyway - no matter what they look like.
So sex. Here's the deal. It's for babies. Only.
I mean to make babies - only - see? Procreation. Period. Well preferably procreation period. I mean, listen, we all like to have fun and as long as you're married in the eyes of God then, you know .... there's little tricks I hear about, calendars, cycles, there's ways to "do it" and maybe not get a bun in the oven (who needs the carbs! ha ha!) - but contraception? I think I have to go with the Catholic Church on this one - contraception just screws up the whole purpose of sex and makes it dirty and disgusting. So I really can't get behind that at all, well hardly at all anyway. But abortion. Ugh. Like never, ever, under any circumstances - you know? Ugh. I mean you want to talk about being "pro-choice"? Well its really very "anti-choice" because you're basically telling God that you don't agree with his choice for you. That God's decision to make the sperm of His choice connect with your egg and fertilize it at whatever moment He decides to have that happen - and I'm not going to say specifically whenever or under whatever circumstances I'm talking about right now because it's a real "hot button issue" you know? But like I said - whenever and whatever circumstances - if you get an abortion it's like you're telling God "no". It's like you hear the phone ringing in your uterus and you pick it up and it's God and you say "no".  Seriously ladies, no offense, but you need to rethink that. And you need to just, I know I sound really preachy here, and I'm sorry (keep looking into the bottomless pools of blue gray blueness that are my eyes.) You need to let us men tell you what to do with regard to your bodies and babies, both born and unborn. Period. (well unborn really - after they're born ... well that's really your area right? ha ha - but seriously, it is)
Anyway - here's why men know all about women and babies. It's because we have penises, and penises have tiny little brains in them that only think about vaginas and vagina related subjects; unless that penis is gay, in which case it only thinks about other penises (ugh. We can talk about that later). So the penis brain (if it's not a gay penis, which again, ugh.) ... the penis brain tells the head brain all about women and ovaries and eggs and even menstrual cycles (ugh - sorry!) and that information, from the penis brain, allows us to make flawless decisions with regard to women and sex and unborn babies. And, of course, we're really just taking our cues from God, who gave us this double brain: penis brain and head brain - in the first place. So he must really, really trust us to make these decisions. Right?
That was a lot of heavy science-y stuff, I know. I wonder what's taking Mitt so long? He takes longer to "go" lately. One of these days he probably won't come back at all and then it'll be just li'l ol' me! Omigosh don't tell him I said that! Jeepers! He'll kill me! But it's true. Gosh you're pretty. Have you ever read Ayn Rand? I'd love to tell you about how Atlas Shrugged changed my life, if ... you know ... you're interested ... or even if you're not. Bartender? Another round for these gorgeous women here! And me too! OK - so here's what's so genius about Ayn Rand ...

30 - again

On this, my 30th birthday - I think back on all my other 30th birthdays.
It's an age worth repeating,  as one rarely gets it right the first time. Not that I remember too much about that first 30. I'd just quit smoking, I remember that. And have mostly kept it that way, except for the occasional backslide due to the events of September 11th or my Mother's passing or because I was in a play (not that my characters smoked, but that theater folks often smoke, so - sometimes I slid back - though it was never a full slide.)
And I'd gotten married just a year prior, at 29. OH 29 - you're so silly! Which goes for all those ages starting with "2", willy, nilly and silly. Sigh. (not that getting married was silly - just the ages starting with "2". Don't worry people whose ages start with "2" - it'll pass - and you'll be glad - promise!)
And aside from quitting smoking... there was probably other stuff; stuff like cooking, eating, working, fitness, sex, shopping, sleeping, meeting people, setting goals (in my head anyway, where I set them carefully up on a series of head-shelves and occasionally dust them - how does all that dust get in my head anyway?)
So the next time I turned 30 - that second time? Much better I think.
I really, really thought it through that time. I mean ... it's one thing when you just "ARE 30" -- quite another when you make a conscious decision to BE 30. It's a "once more with feeling!" kind of thing. It's the consciousness of a truly conscious decision that makes all the difference.
I was deep into the work with my psychoanalyst by then.
Heck yeah! F-you unconscious self! I'm cracking your code, reading you the riot act, putting your unconscious head in a head-lock and giving you a round-house to the many faces of your face!
Except ... well - turns out that's not how it works.
So instead I learn to pull you apart one thin layer at a time, you onion-y rascal - to try to make you a more conscious onion, suitable for salads and saute's. I learn to separate and to be more aware of when I'm not being separate - and to not be angry - no wait - I learn to BE ANGRY ... like for real - and not rush to (fake) forgive people without letting myself know that I'm REALLY ANGRY  - and  THEN, finally, I  learn to not be so angry - but only after I fully recognize my giant pile of anger.
Christ.
No wonder that second round of 30 was so exhausting!
So ... what for this third round?
TBD? LOL? LMFAO? ROTFLMFAO? WTF?
Probably all of the above. If hindsight is 20/20 and foresight is often blind as justice - or a bat  - well maybe my mind's eye sees better than I think - since with age comes wisdom unless one truly insists otherwise - so - this might be my best damned 30 yet! (Until the next).